There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
