Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
