dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
