So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
