when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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