You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
MIDGETS
????
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Who died my cat blue again?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
