Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
