she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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