A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
