im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
