My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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