Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
