I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
