I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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