he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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