Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
