Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
