i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
