Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
