last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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