john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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