This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
