I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
