Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
