Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
