Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
