Your face is a jimmy john
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
