so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
