Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
