im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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