Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
