thus making me awesome and them whores
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
