Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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