we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
