I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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