I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
