worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
