dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
As shirtless as possible
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
