party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
