dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
