So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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