I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You pole danced in your parka.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
