I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
