I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
