Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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