Kiss
Puke
I think I won the penis lottery.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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