either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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