I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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