When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
