I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
