why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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