He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
That accounts for only three of the penises
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
