i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you will always have a special place in my vag
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
