Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
