What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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